It’s natural to wonder if you should keep looking for a better relationship when you have doubts about the one you’re in now. Many times it can be hard to distinguish if your settling and need to end things, or are you just bored and in a temporary romance rut. When your current position doesn’t match up with where you want to be, you have two choices. First choice is to make the decision to pursue the dream and the second choice is to pretend it doesn’t matter and attempt to ignore it. So, ask yourself and be totally honest, are you really happy in your relationship or are you just putting up with it?
Here is why you shouldn’t settle
In the names of responsibility and sacrifice, we often neglect our deepest desires. This differs from putting aside frivolous wants. Settling is about abandoning the most authentic expression of who you are. Nothing makes me more angry than when you seek advice from a relative or close friend about moving on past your current unhappy relationship and they make you feel lousy for having higher standards and expectations for yourself. They may not realize it but making someone your supposed to care about feel guilty for not wanting to settle any longer is more about their issue with settling than yours. If they settled and gave up on finding true love , than why should you dare to not be miserable too? A relationship should make you feel better about yourself. It should never weigh you down or make you feel miserable. And if you find yourself in a relationship that leaves you unhappy and tired, you’re better off being alone!
Why do we settle in unhappy relationships?
The biggest reason why we settle in unhappy relationships is because we’re too scared of experiencing the rest of our lives alone. As humans, and as social creatures, we constantly crave for social, physical and sexual intimacy all the time.
No matter how many clients I consult during an empathic love & relationship reading, or spiritual consulting session I will hear the same excuses from terrified women who seem paralyzed by the thought of moving on. Many of the fears they express usually are a combination of these examples:
- I am afraid to leave because I’m older and it’s too difficult to compete with younger women for a man.
- My body is out of shape, I’ve gained too much weight and he seems to be fine with me being heavier so I won’t risk leaving him and getting rejected by someone new because I’m fat.
- He doesn’t mind that I have kids from a previous marriage and if I start over it will be hard because most men don’t want women who come with baggage.
- I just don’t have the energy to start over even though I am in agony.
- I’m not happy but I am comfortable with the situation.
- He isn’t what I hoped for but I needed a place to stay and he rescued me. If I leave and get stuck again , what will I do? If you have move in with this person because your lease was up, that’s a bad sign. Relationships shouldn’t be based on self-serving reasons like that. It’s not fair to your significant other. It’s also not worth it to be in a relationship that you don’t love.
- I won’t end it because love in real life is not like the books and movies and I am being realistic.
- At the end of the day, I just cannot be alone.
If any of those excuses sound familiar to yours it’s important that you step back and think about how pathetic and selfish it sounds. No one ever dreams of being a reliable backup for someone who is to afraid to go for what they want. Your role in it all is just as dysfunctional and hurtful because at the end of the day your using them to accommodate your needs and quell your fear of being alone. What your basically saying is, “Since I’m not bold enough to live my truth and pursue my own happiness I will take what I can get and tolerate the situation and make it work” Not very romantic huh?
These Signs Are Clear Indications That Your Settling & No Longer In Love
Your are always drained of energy and spirit.
People often think of settling as being able to check out and coast along. However, if you check in with your internal barometer, you’ll find otherwise. Engaging in activity that is misaligned with your purpose is ultimately exhausting — physically and/or mentally. Only when you are in flow is your energy replenished.
You are secretly envious of other couple’s happiness.
The success of others may be a serious irritant. Even if you outwardly offer congratulations, you may be secretly seething inside. Settlers can never be completely happy for someone who is bold enough to live out their dreams.
There are many people who will tell you that settling is exactly what you should do. They may use a word that doesn’t sound quite so negative, like ‘compromising’ or ‘modifying expectations’, but you don’t want to do these either.
Negative changes in yourself
One of the best things about a healthy relationship is how much each person can change the other for the better. Change can be a good thing. We want to bring out the best in our partner, and we want them to bring out our best as well. But change can also be dangerous, to the point where you don’t even recognize who you are anymore. If your partner is trying to change who you are, because they don’t think you’re fine the way you are now, you are settling for someone who doesn’t even respect you. If your partner tries to change the way you dress, your interests, your friends, your relationship with your family, your sense of humor, then they gotta go. Change has to come naturally, and only for the betterment of yourself. If your “significant” other doesn’t want you the way you are, you deserve better.
Constant petty fighting for any reason at any moment
All relationships have rough patches. I can’t think of a single couple, healthy or not, that hasn’t had some sort of fight. But when you’re fighting more than, say, you’re laughing, something is wrong. The amount of stress fights have on individuals is more than we even realize. And when you’re fighting almost every day, that stress is building and building. If you’re too afraid to cut someone from your life, despite all the disagreements, screaming, and hostility, you are settling! Too much fighting is not normal, and if you’re trying to convince yourself that all couples fight this much, please refer to
You not interested in calling, texting, or even seeing him as much as you should.
If you’re calling a person at your convenience and making an excuse for why you missed their call (every time they call) you’re settling. Are you guilty of not making solid plans with them because your waiting for someone better to ask first? If you view communicating with the person you’re dating as a chore, there’s something wrong. It’s a tell-tale sign that you don’t really want to be with this person.
You’re giving the other person too many chances to prove that they can be trustworthy when they’ve proven that they’re not.
You sacrifice too much. When the other person refuses to compromise, you morph into someone else to accommodate his or her expectations, needs, or desires. The worst part of this kind of settling is how stupid you feel when they suddenly break things off with you first while your debating if you should stick around and continue losing more of your self respect. If a person cannot keep a promise , and then expects you adapt to every request they make then they already know they have the power and the upper hand and will continue to manipulate you. Why? Because they can, and you proved it to them over and over again. If your settling there is a good chance that they are settling as well.
Many marriages end in divorce because we settle. Don’t let yourself be a relationship statistic!
– Do you see yourself with someone else in the long-run?
– Are you in an ‘open’ relationship, but you—and only you— want it to be exclusive?
– Even though you’re married, do you often wonder when you’ll meet someone else?
– Do you wish you could change more than just a few things about your current partner?
– If you could be with anyone in the world , would you choose someone other than the person you’re with?
– Are you sticking around because you feel you invested too much time into him already and you’ll be damned if you leave him and he finds someone else and suddenly find success that should have been yours?
When it comes to committed relationships – it’s never smart to get up and leave anytime you feel challenged or bored. We all know that it takes work and lots of comprise to endure the battles that come with love. That is why I am giving you multiple examples of common issues of thousands of men and women I have worked with so you can see how many people feel the same way as you. Your the only one who can know for sure what is best for your life.
Your happiness is in your hands. You have the power and the right to decide on your future and how you chose to live the one life you are given while on this Earth.
Make a promise to yourself that you will no longer settle because there’s so much fulfillment when you finally get what you deserve.